Millionaire BBC stars who badger hard-up viewers into giving their last £10 to Comic Relief should at least be FUNNY

COMIC Relief 2025 — a show that should be up in court under the Trade Descriptions Act.

One so painfully unfunny, categorically no sides were split in the making of it.

Bloated with no fewer than eight BBC presenters — who says the Beeb is over-staffed?? — this year’s Red Nose Day raised £4million less than last year.

While £34million is laudable — and let’s not forget every pound spent goes on charitable projects — it pales in comparison to, say, 2011’s telethon that raised a whopping £108million. AKA the glory days.

When the hosts were funny, the skits original, the singers anarchic.

Instead, on Friday night, we had Carol Decker singing, followed by a 16-year-old sketch from James Corden, EastEnders’ Phil Mitchell depressed in a mental health unit, and two blokes from The Inbetweeners dressed up as Noel and Liam Gallagher in a scene that was genuinely so cringe, I had to turn over and watch England v Albania on ITV.

So apologies if the last 45 seconds of James Buckley and Joe Thomas’s act were unadulterated comedy platinum, I wouldn’t know . . .  although unlikely, judging by these X reviews: “That Oasis sketch on #ComicRelief might just be the worst thing I’ve ever seen on TV,”; and “jaw-droppingly bad — can’t believe someone signed this off”;. Yep, I was better off seeing England passing sideways.

Even Comic Relief’s co-founder, Sir Lenny Henry, has given up flogging this limp donkey — merely appealing to viewers over a pre-recorded VT to part with their hard-earned cash.

And this, naturally, is part of the problem.

In a cost-of-living crisis, one that shows no imminent sign of abating under Labour, it will never not be galling to see [eight] millionaires instructing us to give their last tenner.

Or as one user on Reddit remarked: “I do support the cause, but at the same time I would kind of like to have electricity on at home next week. F*** off, and sell your spare Ferrari or something.”;

And thanks to the Captain Tom Moore saga — you poor f***ers paid for tiles in his family’s swimming pool — people are increasingly viewing charities as big business.

And wonderful charities like Comic Relief — an organisation that has raised £1.6billion — are the fall guys.

In the streaming age, the BBC is up against it.

Perhaps people would rather watch Adolescence on Netflix than a real-life sob story.

It is up to Aunty, then, to cheer us up.

Throw everything at it — not just Alesha Dixon, Joel Dommett and Jonathan Ross awkwardly reading an autocue.

Water cooler moment

The best moment of the night — a recap of Jamie Laing’s astonishing five-day ultramarathon, which raised over £2million — was truncated to a couple of minutes long. That unlikely superhero deserved so much more.

Red Nose Day used to be a huge deal, a water cooler moment and something we’d excitedly stay home to watch.

It was a TV event.

Kids would queue up around the block to buy their noses.

Today, red noses are available to buy on Amazon for £2.50, or £60 for a “collector’s box”;.

Because nothing says charity-starts-at-home like an American trillionaire’s e-commerce company flogging plastic snouts.

There were some touching moments in the show — like Davina McCall reflecting on her recent surgery to remove a brain tumour — but too few of them.

An event that used to feel like such a special, one-off televisual takeover, now feels like any other day of the week.

Finishing his charity appeal, Sir Lenny said: “Please keep doing what you can to help, because doing good never gets old.”;

Sadly the same couldn’t be said for Comic Relief’s gags.

LACKS KECKS APPEAL

NOW, I can understand why Cristiano Ronaldo, Justin Bieber, Nick Jonas, David Beckham and David Gandy have underwear deals.

But the decision to give Kyle Walker – a man never so happy as when out of his pants – I cannot.

Bafflingly, AC Milan’s serial shagger has landed a contract to feature in Hugo Boss’s new campaign.

What woman in her right mind would buy her partner Y-fronts associated with that love rat? “Ah yes, let’s hope my man scores with other women in his Kyle pants.”;

A million reasons to get a ‘job’ like Alix . . . 

QUITE possibly, not until this very nanosecond had you heard of a young lady called Alix Earle.

But influencer Ms Earle and her like go a long way towards explaining why the TikTok generation refuse to work. (By “work”; I mean a full day’s graft.)

Because Alix, with an “ix”;, is suing a fitness brand called Gymshark after it allegedly axed her sponsorship deal over her pro-Israel views.

Court filings claim Gymshark agreed to pay her $1million for three – three!!! – TikTok videos. (And a draining four vids on Instagram, to be fair.)

No wonder kids today are not growing up wanting to be doctors, lawyers, teachers or mechanics when the alternative – £300,000 for a few minutes work – is in reach.

That being said, perhaps we are the real mugs.

AWW, nepo telly. On Saturday night, viewers had the option to tune into father and son combo Bradley and Barney Walsh on Gladiators, or sibling combo Ryan and Adam Thomas, for new ITV show 99 To Beat – a Poundland Squid Game. Cute.