BRITAIN'S Got Talent star Calum Scott has revealed he almost took his own life after going through a very “dark” time.
The singer, who appeared on the ITV show in 2015, opened up about the lowest moment in his life as his mental health spiralled.
, 36, said he battled with body dysmorphia and his sexuality which led to him nearly jumping off a bridge.
He admitted he'd scrutinise his appearance and write a list of things he hated about himself – which became like a “torture ritual”.
“I started to develop body dysmorphia, I found myself inspecting my body. I'd get my bedside lamp and shine it on my skin, if there was something I didn't like, I'd write it down in a notebook by my bed,” he said the We Need to Talk podcast.
“I'd torture myself with this ritual of reading all these things that I hated about myself.
“I was so unkind to myself, I got to the point where I was drinking and not dealt with other emotions going on, it just got very very dark.
“It came a point where I was like ‘I can't see this getting any better'
“There was a couple of times I would leave the house and almost not know where I was going.”
Calum detailed the moment where he found himself on a bridge – but admitted thoughts of his beloved mother saved his life.
He said: “I was looking over the edge and contemplating everything and being ‘what's the point, I hate myself'.
“I was hating on myself so much and I had almost made a promise I was going to jump.
“In that moment, the first person that came into my mind was my mum.
“If I throw myself over this bridge now, what would that do to her?
“She would never forgive herself, she'd lose her son.
“For me it was a non-negotiable, she's everything to me. I came back, I went home, I didn't tell her.
“The next day I went to work, I was sat in my car and broke down in tears and was like ‘I can't deal with this on my own'.”
Calum then reached out to his GP for help and explained that he was terrified if he didn't get help that he “would do something stupid”.
The star then sought help from a counsellor and admitted he was able to finally speak about topics like his father and his sexuality.
He gradually stopped writing negative things about himself in his notebook, saying: “I explained about my body dysmorphia, from that point onwards I grew a lot.
“I just noticed I wasn't reaching for that notepad as much and when I was writing stuff down, I wasn't writing as much.
“It became less and less of a tool, I started to love myself a bit more – it was a real turning point.
“I've gone from wanting to kill myself, to wanting to be a beacon of hope for people and a light.”
He shot to fame back in 2015 after competing on , where he performed his version of Robyn's hit Dancing On My Own.
After coming sixth in the contest, Calum released his version as a single the following year, which peaked at No2 on the UK Singles Chart and became Britain's best-selling single of summer 2016.
He released his debut album Only Human in 2018, which was followed in 2022 by Bridges.
In 2023, the singer confessed he's keen to become a father.
He said: “I’ve got this amazing career, and I hope to have it for the rest of my life, but what’s outside this job?
“I want to have my own family. I want to be able to do all that sort of stuff.
“This year I told myself I would look at surrogacy and what that looks like, and how to start my own family. Hopefully, as we go through this year, I’ll be sat making plans.”
