WHEN Molly Kochan learned in 2015 that her breast cancer had become terminal, she never could’ve anticipated the unexpected sexual journey that awaited her.
Aged only 42-years-old, she wanted to embark on “to feel alive”; in the wake of her diagnosis – including engaging in fetishes, sexting with strangers, car romps and even getting steamy in her hospital bed.
Molly also used the metastatic diagnosis for creative fuel. She set up a blog, and Wondery podcast all aptly named Dying For Sex.
Her story, which she told with candor and dark humour, has now been turned into a limited series on April 4 with the same title.
In her final days, she had nearly 200 men on her books, including a mortician she snogged while he was in full clown , a fair number of car hook ups and a man who loved drinking her wee.
Molly first found a lump in her breast in 2005 but was told by a doctor: “You’re too young for breast cancer.”;
She lived on as though her body was fine – because she thought it was.
She found love in a waiter at her favourite café in Los Angeles, where she had moved to from her home of New York City. They spoke of their hopes for the future, and dreamed of the family they would build together.
But as time passed, the once pea-sized and supposedly harmless lump in Molly’s boob was now sprawling across her entire breast, and even creeping into her armpit.
In 2011, when she was just 38-years-old, the truth was unveiled – Molly did have , and she’d been misdiagnosed in 2005.
It wasn’t stage four, meaning there were some different treatment options she could try to kill the cells.
“I did the whole buffet of chemo and went bald, and I got a bilateral mastectomy, radiation, and I was on hormone therapy,”; she said on her podcast. “Like, everything you could do at the buffet.”;
The hormonal treatment’s side effects included squashed libido – but in fact, it was the opposite for Molly.
“I literally wanted to hump everyone and everything that I saw,”; she said. “I was horny all the time. I felt like a teenager.”;
Molly’s husband did not share her increased libido, and intimacy complexities were something the pair had already struggled with before her diagnosis.
“When I got diagnosed I was really looking to recharge our sex life, but because I’d pushed him away for so long, he wasn’t really up to it,”; she said.
I literally wanted to hump everyone and everything that I saw. I was horny all the time. I felt like a teenager
Molly KochanDying For Sex podcast
“Cancer isn’t the best place to start exploring sexuality... We were just trying to stay alive.”;
She felt “no longer relevant as a sexual female”; when she lost her boobs and faced infertility following chemotherapy, yet was yearning to be sexualised by a man.
Molly sought to rekindle her passions in a different way, and started sexting with strangers online behind her husband’s back.
Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages, images or videos online, stimulating intimacy without actually being together.
Virtual affairs
Her first virtual affair took place over the disappearing picture app Snapchat, with a man based in Italy.
Wracked with guilt, she confessed to her husband one night about the “Snapchat sex”; but his response shocked her: “Good for you.”;
From that point, she began sending raunchy messages and pictures of herself to men across the globe, using platforms like Snapchat and Skype to connect with them.
“It was amazing,”; she recalled. “There was something about owning my new body and sharing it, and getting called beautiful.”;
Molly spent four years after her 2011 breast cancer diagnosis trying to improve her relationship with her husband while engaging with digital affairs.
But after four years of couples therapy and tension, she was tragically diagnosed with terminal cancer that had spread to her brain, hip bones and liver aged 42-years-old.
This drove her to leave her marriage of 15 years, as she accepted they weren’t a “romantic fit”; while faced with her own mortality.
After the divorce, Molly began to explore her sexuality with no boundaries.
Buffet of fetishes
A woman who once loved to wear men’s boxers, she began investing in sexy lingerie and signed up to popular dating apps like Tinder and Bumble.
She was enjoying her sexting relationships, but decided to take things “into the real world”; and began meeting up with men from the apps.
It wasn’t the smooth-sailing, effortless sexual journey she anticipated, though. In fact, she was faced with a number of awkward encounters – and blokes with niche X-rated fantasies.
There were tickle fetishes, foot fetishes, sweat fetishes and even a man with a fetish for having women walk over his body and face.
He showed me what part of my leg to use, and I would hold his arms. It’s so fun. It was amazing. I’m kicking him in the nuts over and over again... it was fantastic
Molly KochanDying For Sex podcast
“I’m really good at entering into people’s fetishes,”; she said. “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”;
Another fetish Molly engaged with was weeing on a man, but she was worried she may have “poisoned him”; due to the cancer drugs she was on.
She also had a fling with a doppelganger of a famous Hollywood actor who had a fetish for getting “kicked in the nuts”; by women.
“He showed me what part of my leg to use, and I would hold his arms,”; Molly recalled. “It’s so fun. It was amazing. I’m kicking him in the nuts over and over again... it was fantastic.”;
Hospital passion
During one hospital stay when her symptoms were particularly bad, Molly hosted three different dates from her bed.
The third man was somebody she had only had one date with, but he was keen to see her.
“He’d been trying to get with me but I’d been so sick,”; she said.
“He came to the hospital and the first thing he did was take off his pants.
I really don’t remember how his d**k got in my mouth... but somehow. It was great, though
Molly Kochandying for sex podcast
“He had underwear on, but he got into bed. The nurses kept coming in and I was just there snuggling with this guy.
“I really don’t remember how his d**k got in my mouth... but somehow. It was great, though.”;
Luckily, no nurses came in while Molly was embarking on a medical-grade sexcapade with her date.
Raunchy Profiles
After Molly told her full range of family and friends that she was dying from cancer, she was able to openly work on her Dying For Sex online projects.
This included the Instagram page, where she posted raunchy pictures with provocative poses and in racy lingerie.
Alongside each snap, was an honest statement about her attitude towards her cancer diagnosis.
Molly passed away from metastasised breast cancer in March 2019. She was just 45-years-old at the time.
The final post on her blog reads: “I have died. I no longer walk the earth like you. In a body, that is a blessing when it works, and, when it stops working, I assure you the dropping of it is an equal blessing.
“I know what I did at the end of my life. I know what brought me joy. But my list would surely not affect you.
“As a side note, if you are angry at me for not reaching out, totally understandable. My death process had to be a small and contained one. I likened it to a death dinghy. As I floated farther from the shore, I knew one more body would throw off the beautiful balance and safety I worked hard to create.
“That’s not to say that the love and connections we shared weren’t real. They all were. But if you need to get p****d at me, go for it. I think I might if I read this note from a good friend who was suddenly not there.”;
