BREAKING up is hard to do – and apparently even harder to say.
A simple “I couldn’t stand them any more”; would do the job – but in showbiz, everything’s coded, PR-checked and often verging on nonsense.
Now Ben Affleck has joined the long list of celebs who give mind-bending answers to the simple query: “Why did you split?”;
Speaking to GQ mag, the actor tried to explain the reasons behind the end of his two-year marriage to Jennifer Lopez, saying: “The truth is much more quotidian than probably people would believe or would be interesting.”;
Even if you knew that “quotidian”; is another word for “everyday”;, you’ll likely still be baffled.
He acknowledged they had different “temperaments”;, adding cryptically: “It’s just a story about people trying to figure out their lives and relationships in ways that we all sort of do.”;
Still, Ben’s not the only star to issue a gobbledegook break-up statement.
They’re all at it – ranging from the sickly sweet to the utterly head-scratching.
So can you match the break-up quote to the couple?
1. Married: 9 years, Split: 2018
ANNOUNCING their divorce, this couple tried to Step Up with a loving message.
They said: “We have lovingly chosen to separate as a couple.
“We fell deeply in love so many years ago and have had a magical journey together.
“Love is a beautiful adventure that is taking us on different paths for now.”;
2. Married: 10 years, Split: 2014
MOCKED by many for their famous break-up statement, this actress and her singer ex-husband later became the most friendly exes in showbiz.
They said: “We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and co-parent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.”;
3. Married: 4 years, Split: 2022
THIS loopy statement made some tectonic shifts of its own.
The couple stated: “We have all felt the squeeze and changes of these transformational times.
“A revolution is unfolding and our family is of no exception  . . . feeling and growing from the seismic shifts occurring. And so – we share our family news – that we are parting ways in marriage.”;
4. Married: 6 years, Split: 2021
CONSIDERING her ex’s recent bout of offensive and unhinged behaviour, this star might be regretting her earlier praise of him – even though it was part of a comedy monologue.
She told viewers of US TV’s Saturday Night Live: “I married the best rapper of all time. Not only that, he’s the richest black man in America. A talented, legit genius who gave me four incredible kids.
“So when I divorced him, you have to know it came down to just one thing: His personality.”;
5. Dated: 2 years, Split: 2021
THESE pop stars duetted on a very saucy track but later decided they would better hit the higher notes as friends rather than as lovers.
They said: “Hey guys, we’ve decided to end our romantic relationship but our love for one another as humans is stronger than ever.
“We started our relationship as best friends and will continue to be best friends.
“We so appreciate your support from the beginning and moving forward.”;
6. Married: 13 years, Split: 2023
COMEDICALLY matched, this pair tried to make their statement funny, but their tennis analogy was a double fault.
They posted on Instagram: “After a long tennis match lasting over 20 years, we are finally putting our racquets down. In 2023 we jointly filed to end our marriage.”;
7. Married: 6 years, Split: 2024
SHE may be a former ballroom champion, but this Saturday night TV star didn’t score highly in the love department when she finished with her younger lover but didn’t explain why.
She admitted: “Currently, I’ve just split with my boyfriend.
“My relationships have been a disaster all the way along the line.”;
8. Dated: 10 years, Split: 2024
THEIR second stab at love – after a two-year break – fell flat.
The couple stated: “We still think the absolute world of each other, we still care and respect each other, we are still grateful for the time we’ve had together, and we are still friends and will always be friends (so if you see us having a lil catch-up at The Brits or something, don’t cause a fuss, we are dawgs!”;
Maybe a stint on Love Island could reunite these friendly exes.
9. Married: 8 years, Split: 2021
YOU would need a shot of the strong stuff to get through this OTT display of adoration without feeling queasy.
The actress and her director hubby gushed: “Split a burger with someone when you are falling in love, and you can die happily knowing this is your last meal.
“Buy a bottle of whiskey and share shots, pour me a waterfall.
“Play that perfect song on the jukebox and dance with someone you have known your whole life, though you met minutes ago . . . Our hearts are full, as we have never been so enamored and deeply grateful for one another as we do in this decision to separate.”;
