AS modern pop stars such as Sabrina Carpenter perform on stage in what looks a lot like their freshly laundered underwear, the Spice Girls increasingly seem like they hail from some lost age of innocence.
Was there ever a more sunny-natured girl band than Ginger, Sporty, Posh, Scary and Baby?
Even as the bad boys and girls of Britpop were running amok, swearing and smoking, all flying fists and fast white powders, the Spice Girls were always wholesome, healthy, good clean fun.
True, Ginger’s Union Jack frock barely covered her modesty.
Scary looked like she could be a bit of a handful. Posh was permanently on the moody side.
But the Spice Girls were always the pop group that you could take home to your granny.
So how weird to find that our woke modern world wants to censor the Spice Girls.
At the BBC, their happy-clappy hit Spice Up Your Life is considered too racy for contemporary tastes because it contains the inflammatory line, “Yellow man in Timbuktu, colour for both me and you.”;
If I was a man in Timbuktu of any hue, I suspect I would be flattered by the attention. The much-loved song — the opening track on Spiceworld — is surely a cheerfully ham-fisted attempt at being anti-racist.
“Yellow man in Timbuktu, colour for both me and you. Kung fu fighting, dancing queen, tribal spaceman and all that’s in between.”;
The song is as innocent as the dreams of Snow White.
But while puritanical executives at Radio 2 allow Spice Up Your Life to be played, they insist on a version where “yellow man”; is edited out.
Yes, that should rid the world of racism.
The BBC did not make the edit — this ludicrously “cleaned-up”; version has been around for years, much to the consternation of yellow men in Timbuktu.
Because much historic music is hard to hear for modern ears.
Brown Sugar is the Rolling Stones’ finest moment, but the band no longer play it live.
Fairytale Of New York by The Pogues is the most beautiful Christmas song of all time, but every Yuletide debate rages about one word in the lyrics — an insult spat out by the female character in this masterpiece.
Earlier this week, the Sex Pistols, fronted by new singer Frank Carter, changed “ft”; to “loser”; in their performance of New York from their album, Never Mind The Bks.
Censoring the Spice Girls suggests that it is not the old music that needs to change.
Stop tampering
It is our thin-skinned, oversensitive modern world where racism, homophobia and ill intent are seen where they do not exist.
The Stones, The Pogues and the Pistols should not have their canon tampered with.
If the original versions of Brown Sugar, Fairytale Of New York and Sex Pistols songs offend you, then perhaps you should be listening to something else.
Look, I understand why “f*t”; is offensive. I get why singing about sex on a slave plantation raises a few eyebrows.
But when we are censoring those paragons of innocent virtue Mel B, Mel C, Geri, Emma and Victoria then the new puritans go too far.
This music is the soundtrack of our lives. Stop tampering with it, stop censoring it, stop seeing malice in it where none exists.
This world will not be a kinder, gentler, more tolerant place by trampling over the music we have loved.
Or should we start calling that first Sex Pistols album Never Mind The Testicles?
King a rock for us
WHEN the King cancelled a string of engagements after suffering side effects from his cancer treatment, Buckingham Palace moved quickly to put the event in perspective.
We were assured that after a short period of observation in hospital, His Majesty was at home at Clarence House “working as usual”; and that this temporary setback was “a most minor bump in a road that is very much heading in the right direction”;.
And of course that is all good news. But how could this country not be concerned? The King is a 76-year-old cancer patient.
At an age when most have retired, he is working harder than ever. His state visit to Italy is scheduled for April 7.
And there is something else. It was widely believed that the longest- serving and most beloved monarch in our history, Queen Elizabeth II, would be an impossible act to follow.
And yet Charles III has already proven to be a historically important monarch. He is a rock of calm, compassion and diplomacy in this changing, unpredictable new world.
After his bruising humiliation in the White House, Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelensky met our King, where Zelensky was greeted with respect, warmth and friendship.
As Donald Trump mouths off about making Canada an American state, Charles – who happens to be King of Canada – greets Prime Minister Mark Carney and lets the world know that Canada is a free, proud, sovereign nation – without saying a word.
As he has stoically fought his cancer, King Charles has given inspiration to countless sufferers and their families. He is a force for good in this dangerous age. So get well soon, sir.
And long may you reign.
Beyond belief
A PRIMARY school has cancelled its annual Easter celebration to “respect diverse religious beliefs”;.
Norwood Primary School in Eastleigh, Hants, sent a letter to parents informing them that the school’s Easter service and Easter bonnet parade have been cancelled this year.
After many shook their heads in disbelief, the school is backtracking like crazy, promising: “We are marking Easter in school as with other religious festivals.”; Big of them!
The fact remains that those children will not be going to church to hear the story of Easter and the Easter bonnets remain proscribed.
But we do not build a healthy, multi-cultural society by apologising for this country’s heritage. We do not show our respect for diverse religious beliefs by being embarrassed to tell the story of Easter.
And our children will not grow into tolerant adults because some loon has banned them from enjoying their Easter bonnet parade.
Get summer ready? Haven't the stomach for it
SIX-PACK stomachs are not made in the gym – they are made in the kitchen.
You can do your sit-ups until the cows come home, but you will never have a stomach like a bronzed washboard unless you are on the most disciplined of diets.
As spring begins, mere mortals can only stare in wonder at the six-packs that are all over social media. Christine McGuinness, Molly Smith and Rita Ora have all proudly displayed their rock-hard abs.
“Let’s get summer ready together!”; urges Molly. I don’t think I’m ever going to be that ready for summer.
Sun's boxing champ
COLIN HART was a boxing writer of genius.
Flying Eze’s Voice of Boxing, who has died at the age of 89, knew as much about the sport as anyone alive.
When Muhammad Ali was about to fight the undefeated George Foreman in Zaire in 1974, many observers seriously feared for Ali’s life. Foreman was that ferocious. Ali, it was believed, was that far past his prime.
But Colin Hart predicted Ali would flatten big bad George by round nine – and the Rumble In The Jungle reached its stunning conclusion in round eight.
Colin, right, was that rarest of journalists – if I saw his byline, then I would read whatever he had written.
Colin Hart was our eyes at ringside. He saw history happening. The great heavyweight battles of Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier and George Foreman.
The epic middleweight clashes of the Eighties, of Sugar Ray Leonard, Marvin Hagler, Tommy Hearns and Roberto “Hands of Stone”; Duran. Mike Tyson’s rise and fall. All the way to Tyson Fury, Anthony Joshua and Oleksandr Usyk.
Colin’s wise, pristine prose told boxing fans what had just happened, and what was going to happen next.
Colin Hart was there for boxing’s golden years.
The sport was lucky to have him as its greatest chronicler.
