Get ready to dust off your flower crown and find a new molly hook-up because Coachella has announced its return. While herpes simplex-2 had a few years off thanks to Coronavirus shutting down the music festival circuit, the time has once again come to drop drugs and pulse your body to music you’ll forget about within fifteen minutes. Living the dream, baby! But not anytime soon, you’ll still have to wait a year. But hey, get hyped regardless: Vanessa Hudgens’ favorite holiday is officially coming back!
Coachella 2020 was supposed to happen in April 2020 but COVID-19 put an end to that. It was postponed until October 2020 but eventually shit-canned altogether. Coachella 2021 was also canceled. But with California opening up again and vaccines pumping through a lot of people’s veins, 2022 is looking a lot brighter. Coachella has announced its return dates with two weekends in April 2022; the 15th-17th and the 22nd-24th. This will be the first Coachella since 2019. How did the Manic Pixie Dream Girl industry survive?!
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As their post says, advance sale tickets will be available Friday, which is hilarious to me because they haven’t announced a lineup. Coachella’s 2020 headliners were Rage Against The Machine, Travis Scott, and Frank Ocean, and Coachella organizers have said before that they’d like to keep that headlining line-up. But nothing’s been confirmed.
By the time Coachella 2022 happens, hipsters, influencers, and other messes would’ve been away from that hipster hell for three years. They’re going to lose it and go absolutely buck wild. They’re going to create a new Herpes strain called Herpchella. If organizers don’t want that to happen, they should paint an angel wing on a wall. Influencers will be too busy waiting in a 6-hour-long line to take a picture in front of it to cause chaos.
Pic: YouTube
