WALKING into the busy pub, I spotted my date standing at the bar with a pint of lager in one hand.
His face lit up as he saw me, and he stepped forward to kiss me on both cheeks.
Dressed smartly? Check. As handsome as his photo? Check. Tall? Triple check.
But then I noticed him stagger a little. He held on to my arm to steady himself and I realised he was drunk.
“Oh no, here we go,”; I thought, dreading the wasted few hours of my life as I sat through another excruciating date.
For some naive reason I thought in my late forties would be much easier than it had been in my twenties and thirties.
After all, with a stable income, my own home, friends and a child, I wasn’t looking for a man to “complete”; me, provide for me or give me a baby.
And I had enough relationship experience to know what I did and didn’t want in a partner.
I was looking for someone solvent, mature, warm, kind, funny and, most importantly, normal. So, no weird fetishes, phobias, habits or behaviour, thank you.
I didn’t think I was asking too much.
But as I was to discover, dating in your forties is a lot harder than you think.
I was far from surprised to read last week that 40-year-old mum-of-two has not had sex for almost five years.
After being cheated on by both of her recent partners — ex-husband and the father of her two children , both players — Khloe understandably has her guard up.
She said: “You’re going to have to be really special to either disrupt my current lifestyle, my schedule and how I prioritise my time, and just to even make me feel those butterflies.”;
Mum to True, seven, and Tatum, two, she said it would have to be a “special person”; to compete with what she already has.
I’ll be honest, as a single mum in my forties I might as well be celibate. I’m struggling to find someone passable, never mind special.
Might as well be celibate
This is because most of the blokes in my age group who are still single are either a “man-child”; not grown up enough to be in a committed relationship, or they have some awful flaw that repels women.
Or they think that single women their age are so desperate that they don’t have to make any effort whatsoever with their appearance or general hygiene.
I’ve been single for four years after splitting with the father of my son, eight, and I’ve found that finding a decent single bloke in his forties is like trying to find a virgin on .
The landscape out there is so dire that the makers of ITV’s My Mum, Your Dad, a dating show for single parents, have halted production because they can’t find enough blokes for a third series.
An insider said: “Strangely there were lots of stunning women in the 45 to 65 bracket who wanted to take part, but a sad dearth of men who fitted the bill.”;
In other words — there aren’t enough Dilfs out there. Welcome to my world. Never mind a Dilf, I can’t even find a Dildo — Dad I’d Like To Date Occasionally.
Take the 49-year-old man who met me at the pub steaming drunk, for example.
I found him on a dating site and he sounded great. A psychiatric nurse with two daughters who liked eating out, travelling, watching movies and the odd tipple in the pub on weekends. Ideal.
In person, however, I quickly realised it wasn’t the odd tipple he enjoyed at all, but getting smashed out of his head.
He slurred his way through our date, missing the table with his elbow and hitting his chin on his glass as we sat down and I tried to drum up a conversation.
I delved into topics such as where he’d enjoyed visiting most in the world and why, and what his job as a psychiatric nurse was like, which was the only thing I actually found fascinating about him.
But each time I spoke, he simply responded with: “Yrrr so guuurgus, I wanna stick my tongue in yrrr mouf right naow.”;
At first, I excused his drunken behaviour by reasoning that he’d maybe been a bit nervous, so had downed a couple of pints.
But when he told me, “I’d love ta smash ya back doors in”;, I walked out.
Toyboys are less lazy and have more energy. They don’t just want to sit on their arses watching football and drinking beer all evening.
The next guy I met up with didn’t fare much better. Again, he was attractive and easy to talk to. He was a fellow northerner and we shared the same sense of humour.
He also had his own and good , which I have come to realise is a rarity among men in my age group. We met for coffee and the date seemed to be going well until he started talking about his testicles.
He told me one was bigger than the other and asked what I thought and whether it turned me on. There were no words.
In the last few months my luck hasn’t improved much. Every man I meet either has deep psychological issues, wants to be mothered (one kept texting his mum during our date) or just wants to get their leg over.
Then there is their appearance. Simply put, they don’t take care of themselves the way women my age do. I go to the gym daily, watch what I eat, get my hair and done and make an effort to dress up and look nice when I go out.
Yet I see so many men in their late forties — and my peers all agree — with massive bellies and terrible teeth, wearing badly-fitting clothes and clearly making zero effort with their appearance.
They basically think that women my age are so desperate we’ll take anything, so they don’t have to bother looking nice.
And yes, maybe once upon a time, back in the day when women relied on having a husband to give them financial independence and status in life, that was true.
But now we ladies make our own , live our own lives and can even have children solo if we want to.
We don’t need men to have a good life. And while it might be nice to have someone to watch with, I’m not willing to settle for someone who makes a half-arsed effort to impress me.
I am excluding my 40-something, coupled-up male friends from this stereotype here — they look great and behave well.
Great men are taken
The trouble is, great men like these guys don’t tend to be single.
While lots of women — from Sharon Stone to — extol the virtues of being single, the truth is that most of us do want to be in a relationship.
opened up about “the crushing solitude”; of being single, and I think many women will relate.
It’s when my little one has gone to bed or is with his dad that I miss having that special someone in my life the most.
I sometimes wonder if a couple of my 40 and 50-something girlfriends have the right idea. They’re doing a Bridget Jones — dating much younger men.
“Toyboys are less lazy and have more energy,”; one told me recently. “They don’t just want to sit on their arses watching and drinking beer all evening.”;
Plus they find that the younger generation of men are more in touch with their feelings, which my friends find refreshing.
One, aged 56, tells me how she has pamper nights, with and hot stone massages, with her younger man, and “how good”; he is at communicating.
He also reads a lot and follows current affairs which means he has plenty to talk about. I can’t help feeling a little envious.
In January this year, a study by the University of involving 6,000 participants found that the idea of women being drawn to older men is a myth.
It revealed that both sexes are, initially at least, more likely to be attracted to younger partners.
And it’s certainly less taboo to date a younger guy these days. I’m wondering if it might be the way forward.
While a younger man might not remember the same songs from my youth and will have fewer wrinkles than I do, at least he’ll be able to keep up with me on a run, have his own teeth and, most importantly, have something more interesting to talk about than last night’s football.
