THE race for that prestigious award Thick As A Plank Hypocrite Of The Year (TAAPHOTY) is really hotting up.
Gary Neville reckoned he’d got the prize in the bag but then along comes fantastically unfunny “comedian” Joe Lycett and nearly nicks it from him.
Lycett made a big hoo-ha about the money David Beckham received from the Qatari government.
As it happens, Beckham was indeed one of the TAAPHOTY nominees for his sterling work in trousering money from the Arabs after spouting woke LGBTQ slogans and so on.
But it’s a bit much for the ghastly Lycett to have a go.
As The Sun revealed, he did a couple of paid gigs in Qatar in 2015. The biter bitten, then. Pure, unadorned, hypocrisy.
But Joe always had his work cut out wresting the trophy from Gary Neville.
The Mancunian football pundit wins by a length. Not least for his staggering pig-ignorance.
Neville is paid for his brilliance as a football pundit, such as not being sure “where the goals are going to come from” shortly before Spain won 7-0. He is not paid for his political nous — which is just as well, because you could fit all of his into a vole’s nutsack.
Not just stupid, it is odious
Commenting on Qatar’s disgraceful record on using slave labour, he said: “It is just worth mentioning that we’ve got a current government in our country who are demonising rail workers, ambulance workers and, terrifyingly, nurses.
“So, in our country, we’ve got to look at workers’ rights — but where football goes, we have to pick up on workers’ rights wherever it goes because people have to be treated equally.
“We can’t have people being paid a pittance to work. We can’t have people in accommodation which is unsavoury and disgusting. It should not happen here.”
You abject ninny, Neville. To compare the plight of British workers on strike for more money with the slave labourers of Qatar is not just stupid, it is odious.
I agree the nurses should be paid more dosh, sure. But they are not being killed, are they? Nor do they have their passports taken away from them so that they have no free movement.
Maybe this gobby, wooden-headed clown should see what happens when people in Qatar DO go on strike.
Industrial action is illegal in Qatar and the few migrant workers who have dared to complain about their appalling treatment were rounded up, detained and then kicked out of the country.
To compare their plight to that of the nurses here is simply outrageous.
But then there’s the hypocrisy of Neville. He was happy to work in Qatar and trouser loads of dosh. He was even happy to work as a pundit for Qatari TV.
This is hypocrisy on a whole other level. And maybe he should take a bit of time to listen to the complaints of the underpaid workers at a place called Hotel Football.
Hotel Football is in Manchester and it is co-owned by Neville and the loveable little Ryan Giggs. It is currently advertising for staff — paying just £9.50 per hour.
That’s the minimum wage. Over the course of a year, people working in this idiot’s luxury hotel would earn about HALF of a nurse’s salary.
So congrats, Gary. You’ve won your prize. In the end, nobody came close. Now, see if you can retain the trophy next year.
Pretty likely, I reckon.
THINGS are hotting up a bit on the India-China border, with troops throwing stones at each other.
The two countries are on the brink of war over disputed territory.
Normally, we would be four-square behind the Indians. But the country has refused to condemn Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.
And they took advantage of the war to sign a massive gas deal with the Russians.
So stuff it, India. You’re on your own. What goes around . . .
Yule never believe . . .
THE phrase “Merry Christmas” was first written by Bishop Charles Booth of Hereford in 1520, 14 years earlier than originally thought, according to new research. OK, fine.
I have been making my own study of the origins of traditional Christmas stuff and have unearthed the following . . .
- Robins are associated with Christmas because in the 12th Century that was the largest bird poor folk could afford for their festive dinner.
- The Christmas Truce of 1914 between German and English soldiers was almost ruined when a Brazilian man wandered into No Man’s Land and insisted on refereeing the football game, later denying England three stonewall penalties.
- In 1255, Genoese diplomat Luca Grimaldi was charged with the task of finding a suitable present for his mother-in-law. He instructed his kitchen staff to “create something vast, dry and inedible, so that she might choke to death”. Thus was born panettone.
- Wizzard’s 1973 smash hit I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday was actually written in 1512, by King Henry VIII.
- While Christmas was banned by Oliver Cromwell in the 1640s, people were still expected to eat turkey, because Cromwell owned a huge turkey farm (and actually invented Turkey Twizzlers).
ON the subject of Christmas, this is beyond parody.
The much-loved carol God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, which dates back centuries, has been rewritten by an American idiot and sung at a church in Leicestershire.
The second verse now begins, “God rest you also, women, who by men have been erased, through history ignored and scorned, defiled and displaced”.
So, it’s stupid, tendentious and doesn’t even rhyme or scan. Or make sense.
The third verse starts: “God rest you, queer and questioning, your anxious hearts be still.” I suppose it’s too much to hope that the church is struck by a divine thunderbolt.
TIME TO THANK NURSES
THE manacles and gimp mask I had ordered as a present for our local vicar have failed to arrive.
I blame the striking posties. It is a disgrace that frisky members of the clergy won’t get the gifts they deserve this Christmas.
Meanwhile, the nurses are out and so are the ambulance workers.
And the two sides are arguing as to who should be blamed if we pop our clogs because we can’t get treated in hospital.
The Government should make a decent settlement with the nurses, rather than pretend it is not the final arbiter.
We can bang our saucepans together for the NHS until doomsday but it’s a decent wage the nurses really want.
‘Only God can judge me’
MELISSA SLOAN is feeling terribly hurt. She says she was banned from her kid’s Nativity play and had to watch it through a window.
She’s also been banned from the town Christmas fair and from her local pubs.
The reason is that her entire face, and body, are covered with hundreds of tattoos, above.
She is surprised people don’t want to look at her.
One of Melissa’s tattoos reads: “Only God can judge me.”
Hmmm. I’d get that one inked over. Because, as you are now aware, it’s not true, is it?
