“OKAY, you’ll just feel a little prick,”; says Dr Shirin Lakhani, brandishing a syringe and strapping on her head torch like she’s about to go potholing.
It’s Tuesday lunchtime and while most people are tucking into a Greggs, I’m getting in my lips. Not the ones on my face – the ones downstairs.
As a 38-year-old mum-of-two, I know all too well how childbirth can change things downstairs.
And while I’ve always loved my lady garden, I figured it deserved a little spring spruce. Why not try and turn back the clock to my pre-baby bloom?
Turns out, I’m not the only one asking the question. Demand for the labial puff – a tweakment that plumps up the outer labia for a more youthful, fuller look – is booming.
Because apparently, it’s not just your face that deserves a little TLC these days.
Now there’s a fancier upgrade – the Vampire Wing Lift. It’s a mix of cosmetic filler and your own blood’s platelet-rich plasma (PRP), designed to boost blood flow and definition, and revive tired tissues. Think vampire facial... but for your vulva.
Already huge in the US, the treatment is now winging its way across the pond thanks to “Queen of the Vulvas”; Dr Lakhani, who runs intimate clinics in and Knightsbridge.
“Women lose volume downstairs through ageing and childbirth – just like your face,”; she explains. “This new combo uses your body’s natural healing powers alongside hyaluronic acid for more natural results.”;
And the name? “It’s inspired by the song Tonight's the Night, with the very naughty lyrics, ‘Spread your wings and let me come inside,’”; she laughs, mid-injection.
Dr Lakhani is no ordinary cosmetic specialist. She has over 25 years of medical experience and was the first female doctor in the UK to offer the infamous O-Shot – a treatment where blood is taken from your arm and injected into your G-spot and clitoris to boost orgasms, libido and confidence.
She’s helped thousands of women climax, earning her a string of awards and a fiercely loyal client list – including celebs.
Women fly in from all over the world to see her, so I can at least relax knowing I’m in safe hands.
My partner, on the other hand, looked positively traumatised when I told him. “But... surely less is more down there?”; he winced.
Apparently not. Vaginal rejuvenation has never been more in vogue – with women flocking to luxury sexual wellness retreats offering everything from tissue regeneration to aesthetic tweaks that boost both function and finesse.
Even are reportedly fans.
Vampire O-Shot
Today, I’m going full whack with a “360 vaginal rejuvenation”; – and I won’t lie, I’m slightly terrified.
First, Dr Shirin Lakhani gives me a thorough examination before injecting anaesthetic. I haven’t been in this position since my last smear.
“You’re neat,”; she reassures, “but you’ve lost a little volume.”;
She explains: “We’ll do 0.5ml of filler each side, plus 5ml of PRP. Don’t panic if you look like a baboon’s bum afterwards – swelling goes down in a few days.”;
As part of the package, I’m also getting the £300-a-session V-Tone – a 30-minute electrical muscle stimulation (EMS) session that claims to be the equivalent of doing 30,000 pelvic floor exercises. It feels weird, like mini internal zaps, but not painful.
Then comes the £1,000-a-session Morpheus 8V – a machine that combines microneedling with radiofrequency to boost collagen and tighten things up.
It’s shaped like something from Ann Summers and goes inside the vaginal canal and around the vulva.
Next is the legendary O-Shot. Blood from my arm is spun into PRP and injected into my G-spot and clitoris.
“This really helps women who’ve lost the ability to orgasm during penetrative sex,”; Dr Lakhani says. “Many only need one shot to see a huge difference.”;
One session costs £1,500, and results usually show in three to six weeks.
As a stressed-out mum, my libido’s taken a bit of a nosedive lately and orgasms have become more elusive than a full night’s sleep.
But Dr Lakhani is confident this treatment will help me over the finishing line again.
Last but not least is the £1,500 vampire wing lift itself – 2.5ml of PRP and 0.5ml of filler, strategically injected into each labia. The PRP stings slightly, like paper cuts, but honestly it’s less grim than a smear.
“It might sound like a lot but the body will absorb the PRP,”; Dr Lakhani explains. “I’ve used a small amount of filler so you get subtle results.”;
These treatments aren’t just about aesthetics. Women are seeking help for atrophy, incontinence, loss of sensation and painful sex.
Some younger women are chasing the TikTok trend for the “crotch cleavage”; look – aka a plumped-up camel toe – with specialist knickers flying off shelves.
But Dr Lakhani rolls her eyes: “Trends come and go. I’ve got women now asking for pubic hair transplants after lasering it all off in the ‘90s!”;
All the treatments took under two hours – but with a £4,300 price tag, I’m crossing everything (well, not everything just yet) for orgasmic results.
As the anaesthetic wears off, I’m definitely sore and look like I’ve had some sort of allergic reaction downstairs. But I’m not panicking. Dr Lakhani assured me it’s totally normal and the swelling should settle in a few days.
I pop a couple of paracetamol and by day three, the pain’s gone – and honestly, I’m looking pretty fabulous below the belt.
My pre-baby flower is blooming and I’m glowing from head to toe. I look smoother, rejuvenated, and can’t wait to road test the results.
Even my partner has relaxed. He was a bit terrified about peeking at the post-procedure area – but the results are so natural, he agrees everything just looks a little plumper and tighter.
Then comes the big test: is it all style and no substance? Or is this going to blow the bedsheets off?
Dating a sexpert is hard work (so I’m told), but someone’s got to do it – and luckily, he’s very much up for the job.
We get down to business and... wow. I definitely feel more sensation and have more confidence. And when the moment finally arrives, the orgasm is explosive – longer, deeper, more intense.
And the best part? The results are only going to get better with time.
Who knew a little prick could bring so much joy?
