WAKING up the morning after a first date, Lisa Parker was surprised to see a man beside her in bed.
But weeks later when she found out she had fallen pregnant with twins – despite taking the morning-after pill – she could have never imagined an even bigger challenge was yet to come.
Despite Lisa's worries over how her date would react to her pregnancy news, David was thrilled at the prospect of becoming a dad for the first time.
The couple stayed together, and after having twins Michael and Jaxon in 2017, they welcomed a third son, Blake, two years later to complete their family.
Lisa, who is not married to David but has taken his surname by deed poll, said: “Our life is very different to how we imagined it might be after meeting in 2016.
“We met in a bar and a week later, he asked me on a date on Christmas Eve.
“I never expected to end up in bed with him and I was shocked to discover I was pregnant.”
But starting a family came with huge, unexpected, challenges after their sons were all diagnosed with .
Lisa, now 45, said: “All three boys are in nappies and go to a specialist school.
“Their emotional development is around that of a one-year-old, and they have sleeping problems, so David and I fall asleep with them in their beds, leaving us exhausted.
“It’s like looking after three babies so, in a way, David and I have never really left the beginning baby stage that we imagined, waving goodbye to them when they became toddlers.”
As a , Lisa, from South Tyneside, has gone from feeling lost and alone to being the go-to parent others to turn to for advice.
Every day she's inundated with questions from her 41,000 followers (@autismjourney_theparkerfamily).
Cruelly though, the couple have also been unfairly judged by strangers who are unaware of the boys' diagnosis.
Lisa added: “I’ve been called a lazy parent because they’re in nappies.
“I would say to anyone who isn’t in my position, try changing three active boys.
“There’s nothing lazy about it, and I’d much rather they were toilet-trained, trust me.”;
‘I blamed myself'
Seven-year-old twins Michael and Jaxon were born at 35 weeks, and Lisa first began to notice they weren’t hitting their milestones when they were six months old.
“I’ve got two older from a previous relationship, so I noticed a few differences between what they were like as babies and how the twins were developing,”; she said.
“I’d been so busy working that I had only been doing teatime, bath time and bedtime with the twins, so I blamed myself for them not hitting their milestones.
Being with them 24/7 made me positive they were different to other children. By 18 months, they weren’t walking or talking – they were only just starting to crawl
Lisa Parker
“They were nowhere near crawling, but a paediatrician assured me it was very normal for there to be a delay with premature twins.
“It seemed to make sense, but when the nursery the boys attended were concerned too, I just knew something wasn’t right.”;
Developmental delays
Soon after Michael and Jaxon turned one, Lisa fell pregnant with their younger brother, Blake, now five.
Lisa, who worked with the Foreign Office at the time, decided to take unpaid leave from work so she could spend more time with them.
“Being with them 24/7 made me positive they were different to other children,”; she said.
“By 18 months, they weren’t walking or talking – they were only just starting to crawl.
“I sought advice and was told to wait until their two-year review.
“In the meantime, I told our health visitor I thought they had and she asked whether I’d considered .
“I didn’t think they had it because they always with me – to which the health visitor pointed out that they never looked at or interacted with her.”;
A life-changing diagnosis
That was the moment Lisa knew there was a very real chance both boys could be autistic.
In November 2019, Lisa and David, 40, saw a paediatrician who confirmed the twins had significant developmental delays and took blood tests.
In February 2020, Lisa’s maternal instinct proved correct.
The results confirmed that Michael and Jaxon had a very rare genetic variation called 15q11.2 deletion, in which a tiny piece of chromosome 15 is missing, and were diagnosed with .
“It was a lot to take in,”; said Lisa.
I used to be unable to accept that they would never speak but as they get older, I’ve realised they need alternative ways of communicating
Lisa Parker
“Then hit a week later, and the world shut down. It was like we’d been cut off from any kind of support or help.
“I didn’t know anything about autism and had no idea what our future would be like.
“By this point, I’d also given birth to Blake and was already paranoid he was autistic too, constantly looking for signs. He was hitting all his milestones, but he didn’t speak.”;
Blood tests showed Blake didn’t have the same chromosome deletion as his brothers but was still diagnosed with non-verbal autism.
Lisa says she still feels guilty sometimes that all three boys are autistic.
“I went through a grieving process of what I imagined our future would look like, if we hadn’t had children with autism.
“Then I felt guilty for thinking that, as well as feeling guilty because Michael and Jaxon inherited the chromosome deletion from me, while I’m not affected by it.
“But when I started seeing the bigger picture and how autism is a neurological condition, I understood it better.”
A different journey
Lisa tried looking online for families with identical twins with the same chromosome deletion, and non-verbal children with autism.
“I couldn’t find anyone,”; she said. “That’s when I decided to start sharing our autism journey on social media, to connect with other parents and families.”;
Lisa began posting about everything she was going through on her Instagram page and quickly realised many others were going through the same thing, all over the world.
“Now a lot of parents come to me for advice, whether it’s day-to-day parenting tips or help with how to get a – something I’ve helped hundreds of families with because they didn’t even know it existed.
“I get so many messages from desperate parents of autistic children that I struggle to keep up with them. But I love knowing that I’ve been able to help someone who feels lost, alone and confused, just like I used to be.
I worry that if the kids are getting bullied, they will never be able to tell us
Lisa
“The biggest problem now is that we have no support whatsoever and we have to speak to the council for help. We are in desperate need of respite care and are on the waitlist.”;
A constant fight
Lisa is concerned about the (which stands for Special Educational Needs and Disabilities).
“It is broken and continuing to fail us,”; she said.
“It is so underfunded and understaffed. People lose passion and their jobs, and things don’t get done.
“I mistakenly thought that with the kids being in a SEND school we could get on with life and not fight anymore, but I constantly have to make sure they are getting enough support, especially with speech and language.
“I used to be unable to accept that they would never speak but as they get older, I’ve realised they need alternative ways of communicating, such as speech apps, a communication book and using prompts.
“One of my biggest worries is that the boys can’t express emotions and can’t tell us if they are unwell.
“Two years ago, I spent the whole of Christmas in hospital as Michael had suspected appendicitis. It wasn’t his appendix, and we still don’t know what was wrong with him.
“I also worry that if the kids are getting bullied, they will never be able to tell us.”;
‘Reach out for help'
With no family support nearby, Lisa and David, who works as a joiner, don’t get any time to themselves.
Despite missing out on date nights and worrying about their sons' future, the couple are still very much in love.
Lisa said: “Thankfully David was great straight from the start, and I couldn’t have been any luckier to have him as my partner in crime. He is supportive, understanding and a superstar with the boys.
“Parenting all three boys is a tough gig for us, but we also love to embrace the beautiful things about having autistic children too.
“Every sound they make, every try, and every glance is a victory. Through their determination, I’ve seen progress I once thought was impossible.
“David and I may not have the relationship I imagined we’d have, but there is no one else I would rather be doing life with.”;
To parents of autistic children who are struggling, Lisa says: “Go through every single emotion and don’t fight it. It’s completely normal to grieve for the future you thought you would have.
“Reach out to someone in a similar situation and I promise you won’t feel so alone anymore.
“I didn't have anyone at the beginning of my journey, but now I’ve become the person that I needed.”;
Lisa has written a book, Our Journal on the Spectrum, £17.57 on Amazon.
