I found out I had autism at 38 & millions are still undiagnosed...

HER son Jude was diagnosed with autism at four years old, and she's also autistic herself.

So when it comes to signs to look out for in your child if you think they may be neurodivergent, Jessica Whalley knows what she's talking about.

Close-up of a woman and a boy. — Jessica Whalley's son Jude is non-verbal and was diagnosed with autism at the age of four

Close-up photo of a woman and a boy. — Jessica has shared the 11 key signs to look out for if you think your child might be neurodivergent with Fabulous Online

Screenshot — She's written a book called The Autistic Mom about her experiences with neurodivergence

“Raising and supporting an autistic child, especially one who is
non-verbal, can be very time consuming,” says Jessica, who has documented her own neurodivergent journey in her book The Autistic Mom.

“My whole life revolves around Jude and that’s the way it must be for him to be as happy and settled as he is.”

She added: “I’m genuinely happiest when I’m with him, I am so grateful to be his mum.”

It's been statistically proven that many women diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and/or ADHD as adults are actually parents to children who have these conditions themselves.

And the ADHD Foundation estimates that 50 to 75 per cent of women in the UK with ADHD are undiagnosed.

In addition, studies have shown that for every three children with a diagnosed ASD, there may be two others who are autistic but undiagnosed.

It's estimated that the total population of people with autism in England and Wales exceeds 1.2 million.

Autism awareness has been raised in recent years thanks to celebrities opening up about their own experiences – including Christine McGuinness, and Mrs Hinch.

Not only is Christine – the ex-wife of comedian Paddy McGuinness – mum to three autistic children, she was also diagnosed herself in 2021, when she was 33.

“I was a very confused, mixed-up little teenager not really knowing where I fitted in,” Christine previously told the BBC.

Mrs Hinch admits she was ‘selfish’ with her son’s autism diagnosis but has discovered a ‘fire in her belly’ as she shares never seen before pictures

Likewise, Jessica has found herself making sense of many issues she's had throughout her life – such as struggling to make friends and needing more time alone – since being diagnosed.

So she knows that going without a diagnosis can have a massive impact on someone's life.

She says: “These people are proven statistically to be very much at risk to struggle severely with their learning, mental health – which can end in suicide, alcohol and drug abuse, poor physical health, struggling to keep a job, struggling to have healthy relationships and having issues with debt, amongst other things.”

In addition, “the trajectory of undiagnosed children struggling in adulthood is not great”.

Here, Jessica shares a list of 11 signs to look out for if you think your child could be neurodivergent.

They are highly sensitive to any form of criticism and take things very personally.
They often don't understand jokes or sarcasm.
You notice they often don't have their own opinions or preferences, usually they will copy and what their peers like/don't like.
They go through phases of ‘obsessions' with many things such as hobbies etc.
They don't seem comfortable making eye contact.
They can have very strong opinions and can genuinely not understand why everyone doesn't agree with them or think the same as them.
They don't seem to understand certain social ‘norms' such as being civil to someone they don't really like/agree with.
They are excessively tired after a day at school but can struggle to sleep at night.
They may have a heightened sensitivity to noise, smells, touch, textures temperature etc.
May have a high need for routine and become very upset/frustrated/stressed/anxious etc when change occurs.
May ‘daydream' often.

What is autism?

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is an incurable, lifelong developmental condition that affects how people perceive the world and interact with others.

It affects around one in 100 people in the UK and is three to four times more common in boys than in girls.

Many people with ASD find it hard to understand other people's feelings and emotions, and they may have difficulty holding conversations.

When they are young, their language development may take longer and they can struggle to use facial expressions, using gestures to communicate instead.

They may also find it hard to connect with other people and to hold eye contact with unfamiliar individuals.

Many children with ASD like to follow a routine, and changes to this can cause distress.

High functioning autism is an informal term some people use to describe those on the autism spectrum disorder.

Reflecting on the indicators that could point to your child being neurodivergent, The Nook Clinic’s Dr Selina Warlow said: “Early detection can help the parents navigate next steps and arm them with information to offer the best support”.

This is especially important when your child is preparing to go from primary to secondary school.

“Many children who are overlooked in primary school begin to struggle more once they are in secondary school,” Jessica explained.

“Mainly because their hormones begin to develop as they go through puberty and at a time which isn't easy for any child, they begin to notice that they are different.

“They compare themselves more to their neurotypical peers, they don't understand why things seem to be easier for others than themselves.”

Due to this, they may become “more difficult to teach, display more negative behaviours, pay less attention to their work and struggle with their mental health“.

This can also affect their language development too.

“If your child’s speech is delayed compared to other children their age, it could be a sign of autism,” Dr Warlow said.

“Unique vocal characteristics like an unusual tone or delayed speech should be monitored closely.

“If your child also exhibits difficulties in initiating and maintaining conversations or understanding spoken language, it could be another trait.”

However, it's important to keep in mind that “these are not choices that the child is making”, Jessica added – it's just that “their minds are completely overwhelmed and they simply cannot hold it in any longer”.

But Jessica – whose son Jude is now 10 – stressed that having a diagnosis is not to be used “as an excuse”, but “so the person can understand why they feel different and how that affects them”.

If you are concerned your child is showing signs that they may be neurodivergent, the first port of call is to visit your GP, the National Autistic Society explains.

It's also helpful during this first appointment to take a list of these signs, as they can be mentioned in the GP's potential referral for an autism assessment.

The trajectory of undiagnosed children struggling in adulthood is not great
Jessica Whalley

You should also speak to your child's school or nursery, depending on their age, to find out if they've noticed any behaviour at school that is worth noting on the referral.

If an ASD is confirmed following an assessment, your child's education setting should work with you on a plan to support them in their learning – as well as providing extra tools to help if required.

Due to the lengthy waiting lists for an assessment on the NHS, many parents have chosen to have one privately – although the cost of doing so can end up being thousands.

Jessica, who is based in Cheshire, ran a successful fashion line called Hey Jude, with celebrities such as Coleen Rooney wearing her distinctive custom-made blazers.

She now concentrates her time on taking care of Jude, as well as working with a local school where she is building relationships within the school community in her role as a female mentor, as an author, and as a parent with first-hand experience with neurodivergence.