DEAR DEIDRE: I LIVE for the moments my lover phones me to say he wants sex, but his girlfriend always gets first dibs.
I’m starting to realise he only ever shows up to see me after they have rowed.
I run a bridal shop and we met when he asked me if I could alter the sleeves of his suit.
He needed it for a wedding and his biceps had got bigger. He’s built like a Gladiator.
I don’t know how he thought I could magic up some extra fabric but, when I told him his request was impossible, he said, “Well, if you can’t do that, will you come and help me choose a new suit?”;
He was so cheeky, but what a hunk of a guy. I had to pinch myself that he was interested in me.
We went shopping, which led to flirting then lunch. Then he invited me to be his “plus one”; at his mate’s wedding.
When it was over, we walked back to his house.
He seduced me and we had sex. I’m 30 and he’s a couple of years older.
It had been a while for me, but he knew how to make me feel good.
He called me the following week for round two and I dressed in raunchy lingerie for him.
Two months into our sex sessions, I told him I loved him — but he said a relationship wasn’t for him.
I kept trying to make things more permanent but he was evasive.
Eventually, he admitted he was also seeing a girl at work.
I can tell she’s his first port of call when he’s looking to hook up.
I know I’m being foolish. Lately, he only seems to contact me when they’ve had a barney. I just want him to love me.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: But he does not love you.
He’s got charm in bucketfuls and you’re both playing into his hands.
If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, then that’s what you deserve.
Don’t allow yourself to become his booty call for no-strings sex.
You’ll value yourself more if you call time on this relationship.
Tell him that this casual fling isn’t your style. If he’s sleeping around, you’d be wise to get an STI check, too.
My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, will encourage you to move on to somebody who wants you and ONLY you.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
LIFE RUINED BY STREET ATTACK
DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE a gang of teenagers beat me up outside my front door I’ve been terrified to go out.
I’m longing to find a job and live a more normal life but how can I, when I don’t even have the courage to attend an interview?
I lived in a ground-floor flat and when I stepped outside to vape, a guy pushed past me.
He accused me of knocking into him on purpose, then punched me straight in the face, even though I’d apologised, despite doing nothing wrong.
Two of his mates came and joined in and I was kicked in the head, stomach and legs.
I was so frightened. I dipped in and out of consciousness and vaguely heard a shout and a member of the public helped me. I woke up in hospital but was discharged the next day.
I’m a guy of 27 and before this incident, I worked in a supermarket.
The company was supportive of me for so long but after six months of being off sick, they suggested a phased return to work, so I quit.
I can’t deal with it.
I have now moved back in with my parents and I spend days in my room.
I don’t know how to move on with my life. It feels like my confidence level has fallen through the floor.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m not surprised, and sorry that you have been through this life-changing experience.
It wasn’t your fault and, although this is all-consuming for you, these incidents are still rare.
You need assistance to give you some techniques to help with your fear and take baby steps to achieving some normality.
Contact Assist Trauma Care, which helps with PTSD (assisttraumacare.org.uk, 01788 551919) which offers therapeutic help to adults and children, individuals and families, affected by a wide range of traumatic occurrences.
My support pack called Coping With Panic Attacks will help you too.
WHO'LL GO FOR ME IN RED LATEX?
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M so obsessed with leather and Latex that I’ve now got my own women’s Latex suit.
Yet I’m a big bloke – I’m 41, 6ft and fairly broad-shouldered as well.
I bought the biggest suit I could find, and it’s bright red.
I know I look ridiculous in it but I don’t care. I only wear it at home.
I don’t know where this obsession has come from.
But if I see a woman in a leather jacket or skirt it affects me physically to the point that I have to get home as quickly as possible.
I don’t think I’ll ever find a girlfriend who will accept my sexual urges.
DEIDRE SAYS: Leather and Latex have long been associated with sex, so you are by no means alone in enjoying this fetish.
There is no harm in indulging in dressing up, as long as you don’t pressure anyone into taking part in your activities if they are not comfortable with it.
My support pack called Finding The Love Of Your Life will help you to find that special person.
Having an understanding about the origin of your fetish will help you, so read my support pack called Fetish Worry.
MY GUY'S HYGIENE IS PANTS
DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend doesn’t change his pants often or wash every day, yet I still love him.
He makes me feel as if I’m his mum because I keep having to remind him to do these basic things.
He’s 37 and I’m 29. We’ve been together for a year.
It wasn’t until we went to Tenerife that I realised how little clothing he’d brought with him. He had two pairs of pants for ten days. I was shocked.
He said he didn’t feel the need to change so often and that washing clothes all the time ruins them.
His previous relationship was with a woman who was abusive, so I’m not sure if it comes from that or whether he’s just lazy.
DEIDRE SAYS: We’re all brought up to have different standards, but this sounds a little extreme.
Not caring for yourself physically can be a sign of depression. Does he have periods when he’s feeling low? If so, do encourage him to see his doctor.
If it is more down to laziness. Tell him you’d feel more attracted to him if he is fresh and clean.
Encourage him by inviting him to shower with you before sex. He’ll soon get the message.
