CUDDLED up on the sofa breastfeeding her son Jack, Barb Higgins couldn’t be more content.
It’s a picture millions of mums will recognise but there’s something that sets this happy pair apart. Jack is four and mum Barb is 61.
“I know it surprises some people to see a four-year-old nursing,”; says the retiree, who lives in Concord, New Hampshire, US.
“Just like their shock at seeing a breastfeeding mum in her sixties.
“But feeding Jack this way is the most beautiful, natural thing in the world. And I’ve learned not to care what other people have to say.”;
It’s a confidence that was forged in tragedy.
In 2016, at 52, Barb was a happily married PE teacher, the proud mum of two daughters, Gracie, 15, and Molly, 13.
“Molly was an amazing sister and daughter,”; says Barb.
“Beautiful and talented, just like Gracie, they were always dancing and singing in shows. They were inseparable.”;
Watching them from the audience, Barb and husband Kenny, then 59, would burst with pride. Then disaster struck.
“Molly began having awful dizziness and migraines,”; she explains.
“She became so sick that in May we took her to hospital for a scan. That’s when her heart stopped.”;
Medics managed to restart Molly’s heart, but she didn’t wake up.
“I was frantic with fear,”; Barb remembers.
“Then we learned she had a brain tumour, and even after an operation the brain damage was too severe to save her.
“When the machines keeping her alive were switched off, I was broken. My incredible daughter was gone.”;
Barb felt like she was drowning in grief.
“I struggled to see a future without Molly in it,”; she says.
“But Gracie and Kenny needed me. I had to keep going.”;
That’s when the dreams started.
“I’d see a tiny baby lying by the side of the road. I felt so strongly that this child was mine,”; she says.
“The dreams were so intense and would stay with me all the next day. I told myself they were just my way of processing my grief.”;
Then Barb was struck by an overwhelming feeling.
“I was 53 but wanted to have another baby,”; she says.
“In my heart I knew that this was the right thing to do.”;
Despite being in great shape, with her job as a PE teacher and her gym routines keeping her fit and healthy, Barb knew that having a baby at 53 was a big step.
“I didn’t mention it to Kenny at first, worried that he’d think it was impossible,”; she explains.
“I decided to do my own research and found a fertility clinic that specialised in IVF for women over fifty.
“After a raft of tests doctors agreed that I was healthy enough for it to work.”;
Barb didn’t feel quite ready to start, until the summer of 2018 when she was 54.
She says: “That’s when I told Kenny. I really wasn’t sure how he’d react, but he smiled and said, ‘I’d love another child. Let’s try.’”;
She’d started the perimenopause in 2016, so doctors gave Barb HRT and her periods began again.
Everything seemed to be going to plan, and Barb passed all the physical and psychological tests.
She says: “All the while I was at Crossfit classes five times a week. It felt great to be preparing myself for this next big adventure.”;
Then, in December 2018, another shock. Before IVF could begin Barb needed to stop taking her anti-seizure and nerve-blocking medication.
“I was in so much pain that the doctor recommended an MRI scan,”; she says.
“It revealed that I had three tumours in my brain.
“Thankfully they weren’t cancerous. The largest tumour was removed, and the smaller ones were treated with radiation.”;
It was tough going but Barb realised something important.
“If I hadn’t been trying for a baby, we never would have found the tumours,”; she says.
“Trying for this child had saved my life.”;
With renewed determination Barb and Kenny began IVF.
Nursing also means that we can bond in the most incredible way. I know that I will miss it when he’s ready to stop
Barb Higgins
The first embryo transfer in September 2019 didn’t work. Then in August 2020, a few days after her 57th birthday, Barb and Kenny were ‘overjoyed’ as the test turned positive.
They didn’t tell Gracie, then 19, until Barb was 15 weeks pregnant.
“I was really nervous, worried that she’d be angry, or think that we were trying to replace Molly,”; she admits.
“But she was really excited and gave me a big hug. Her only concern was that giving birth at 57 might put me at risk.”;
They told family and close friends at 20 weeks along.
“Everyone was supportive,”; she says.
“They’d seen me go through the anguish of losing a child and stood by me now.
“I did try to find the humour. At six months pregnant I was at the gym and heard friends talking about their ‘menopause tummy’.
“Laughing I revealed my bump. ‘My menopause belly has a heartbeat!’ I smiled.”;
Barb got used to the double takes from strangers.
“Some people might have disapproved but no one said anything directly,”; she says.
“I wouldn’t have cared if they did. I just focused on this amazing new chapter in our lives.”;
Diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, in March 2021 Barb was induced at 36 weeks.
“Kenny was by my side when Jack was born in just one push, perfect at 5 pounds 7 ounces,”; she says.
“Holding my beautiful son I was overwhelmed with love. I’d been through so much in the past few years, and now I was a mum again at 57. It felt incredible.”;
At home the family of four quickly found their feet.
Barb says: “From the nappy changes to the night feeds it was amazing how it all came flooding back to me. I loved having this tiny baby in my arms.
“And as the months passed I had more than enough energy to keep up with Jack.
“Of course I had my tired days, but it really didn’t feel so different to when I’d had Gracie and Molly. And the joy I felt was amazing.”;
This March Barb and Kenny, now 69, watched Jack blow out four candles on his birthday cake.
“The years have just flown by,”; she says.
“Jack is now the loveliest, funniest four-year-old you’ll ever meet. He loves to quote movie lines, just like Molly did.
“He’s also incredibly sweet and loves nothing more than cuddling – except maybe breastfeeding.”;
Every mother faces unwelcome opinions when it comes to how they feed their child. But Barb has had more than most.
‘Yes, it’s a tough option – but there are positives, too’
SENIOR fertility nurse Marija Skujina is the founder of clinic Plan Your Baby.
She says: Becoming a mother later in life can present unique challenges for a woman’s physical and mental health.
As women age, their bodies undergo natural changes that can make pregnancy, childbirth and the early years of parenting more physically demanding.
Additionally, women who have children later in life may experience menopausal symptoms during the same period they are raising young children.
Hormonal changes associated with menopause can lead to mood swings, fatigue and difficulty sleeping, all of which can add to the challenges of parenting.
That said, many older mothers bring life experience, emotional maturity, and financial stability to parenting, which can contribute to a positive family environment.
“While lots of my friends are great about my decision to keep breastfeeding, I know that society judges nursing mothers,”; she says.
“And when the mother is 61 as the child is four? That’s more raised eyebrows than usual.
“That could be one of my more old-fashioned relatives asking, ‘Barb, when are you going to stop?’ or the stares in public when Jack runs over and asks for ‘boop’.
“Most of the time I choose to nurse at home, cuddled up on our sofa. But I will do it in public in a discreet way. At Disney I’ll be on a bench and in a restaurant, I’ll feed him in a booth.
I’ve also fed him on a plane without a second thought.
“I am so grateful to be Jack’s mum, and thankful to my body for bringing him into the world and allowing me to feed him. That’s what we have boobs for in the first place.
“Nursing also means that we can bond in the most incredible way. I know that I will miss it when he’s ready to stop.”;
The times when people see them out together and assume she’s Jack’s grandma don’t bother Barb.
Whatever people might think or say, I really don’t care
Barb Higgins
“Although there are some parts of older motherhood that give me pause,”; she says.
“I lost my dad in October when he was 82 and my anxiety about the passing of time is definitely increasing. When I’m 82 Jack will be 25.
“Then I remind myself that my sister, whose 80, has just finished a 600-mile walking tour of Italy and mum is still active at 82.
“As I learned from losing Molly, age has nothing to do with when you die.”;
Barb is focused on living and says that having a four-year-old is the perfect way to stay young.
“As well as my usual Crossfit and gym workouts, Kenny and I are out shooting hoops with Jack,”; she says.
“We all went to Bali for a month over Christmas and had a wonderful adventure.
“So whatever people might think or say, I really don’t care.
“I’ve learned to listen to my gut and follow my heart. It led me to being Jack’s mum and that’s a pretty wonderful place to be.”;
Listen to Barb’s podcast at athousandtinysteps.com
