The hostless, Zoom-free, and mostly maskless Oscars are happening tonight, but there’s a chance that Glenn Close, who is up for Best Supporting Actress for her role as gritty Thelma Mae Harper in People Of Walmart: The Movie Hillbilly Elegy, will not make an appearance during the 85-hour-long ceremony. And that’s because Glenn will be too busy crying into the fried wall insulation wig she wore in Hillbilly Elegy over losing a much more illustrious award. I’m talking about the Razzie!
The 41st Golden Raspberry Awards were announced yesterday, and going in, the CGI animal dingle that is Dolittle and the pro-trafficking diarrhea stain that is 365 Days had the most nominations with six each. But sadly for them, it was Sia’s offensive trashterpiece Music that swept the Razzies and once again confirmed that she should’ve put one of her face-covering wigs over the script forever. Music got the Razzies for Worst Actress (Kate Hudson), Worst Director (Sia), and Worst Supporting Actress, which poor Maddie Ziegler “won” over Glenn Close. Maybe this will finally break the curse that Sia has on Maddie and Maddie will be free. If anything, Sia should face child abuse charges for putting Maddie through that torturous mess since she was only 14 while filming.
Speaking of torturous mess, Absolute Proof (That The My Pillow Guy Is Batshit) got the Worst Picture Razzie and the My Pillow Guy got Worst Actor even though he wasn’t acting. And neither was The Penguin’s grosser brother Rudy Ghouliani when he caused fuck parts everywhere to shrivel and close up from the sight of him putting his slimy paw down his pants while creeping on Maria Bakalova in Borat 2. But Rude Rudy still got the Razzies for Worst Supporting Actor and Worst Screen Combo.
If Glenn does win the Oscar tonight, she better dedicate the award to Hillbilly Elegy costume designer Virginia Johnson who was snubbed by not getting a nom. Virginia deserved a nom solely for her impeccable choice of gas station t-shirts, especially the one of the unamused pooch who is definitely thinking, “I can’t believe I was dragged into this turd!”
Here are all the Razzie “winners“:
Worst Picture
Absolute Proof
365 Days
Dolittle
Fantasy Island
Music
Worst Actor
Mike Lindell (the My Pillow guy) – Absolute Proof
Robert Downey, Jr. – Dolittle
Michele Morrone – 365 Days
Adam Sandler – Hubie Halloween
David Spade – The Wrong Missy
Worst Actress
Kate Hudson – Music
Anne Hathaway – The Last Thing He Wanted AND Roald Dahl’s The Witches
Katie Holmes – Brahms: The Boy II AND The Secret: Dare to Dream
Lauren Lapkus – The Wrong Missy
Anna-Maria Sieklucka – 365 Days
Worst Supporting Actress
Maddie Ziegler – Music
Glenn Close – Hillbilly Elegy
Lucy Hale – Fantasy Island
Maggie Q – Fantasy Island
Kristen Wiig – Wonder Woman 1984
Worst Supporting Actor
Rudy Giuliani (as “Himself”) – Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Chevy Chase – The Very Excellent Mr. Dundee
Shia LaBeouf – The Tax Collector
Arnold Schwarzenegger – Iron Mask
Bruce Willis – Breach, Hard Kill, AND Survive the Night
Worst Screen Combo
Rudy Giuliani & His Pants Zipper (Yes, That Really IS Rudy Giuliani!) – Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Robert Downey Jr. & His Utterly Unconvincing “Welsh” Accent – Dolittle
Harrison Ford & That Totally Fake-Looking CGI “Dog” – Call of the Wild
Lauren Lapkus & David Spade – The Wrong Missy
Adam Sandler & His Grating Simpleton Voice – Hubie Halloween
Worst Director
Sia – Music
Charles Band – All 3 Barbie & Kendra movies
Barbara Bialowas & Tomasz Mandes – 365 Days
Stephen Gaghan – Dolittle
Ron Howard – Hillbilly Elegy
Worst Screenplay
365 Days
All 3 Barbie & Kendra Movies
Dolittle
Fantasy Island
Hillbilly Elegy
Worst Remake, Rip-off, or Sequel
Dolittle (Remake)
365 Days (Polish Remake/Rip-Off of Fifty Shades of Grey)
Fantasy Island (Remake/”Re-Imagining”)
Hubie Halloween (Remake/Rip-Off of Ernest Scared Stupid)
Wonder Woman 1984 (Sequel)
Pic: Netflix
