Forget all those conspiracy theories that have been flying around since Prince Philip was laid to rest. He wasn’t poisoned or strangled by an enemy of the crown who snuck into Windsor Castle disguised as an under butler or chambermaid. And he didn’t die from fright after catching a glimpse of his reflection while checking his teeth for watercress using a fish knife. Newsweek reports that the official cause of death listed on the 99.8-year-old’s death certificate is “old age,” simple as that, putting to bed any rumors that a hermit living in the hills behind Balmoral Castle cursed him with life-everlasting many centuries ago. And lest the entirety of the British Monarchy likewise die from old age, Prince William is stepping up as the hip, new, least racist face of the British Royal Family. He and Duchess Kate have launched a YouTube channel! Cue Prince Harry laughing in Netflix. “L00,000,000,000,000,000.00L!”
According to Newsweek:
Prince Philip’s official death certificate records that he passed away due to “old age” and list a rarely used name for the duke, the Daily Telegraph reported.
Sir Huw Thomas, head of the royal medical household, certified the official document, which did not mention a specific illness or injury.
In addition to the extremely rude comment about his age, they also listed Philip’s decidedly non-British sounding born name, Philippos. He’s listed as “His Royal Highness The Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh formerly known as Prince Philippos of Greece and Denmark formerly known as Philip Mountbatten.”
The Duke of Edinburgh was born Philippos Andreou Schleswig-Holstein Sonderburg-Glucksburg but this first name was seldom used and goes back to his roots within the Greek royal family.
Well, that’s a mouthful. Maybe that’s why they have so many dental issues. Whatever you do, don’t say it backward while looking in a mirror or he’ll come back! And we can’t have that. The BRF is looking to the future. Us Weekly reports that William is already making plans for how things are going to be when he gets to be king.
“William is already thinking about the future of the Monarchy and the changes he’ll make,” a source exclusively reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly. “While he respects protocol, he plans to modernize some aspects and is making it his mission to be more relatable than previous generations.”
The Duke of Cambridge, 38, is second in line to the throne following his father, Prince Charles, the eldest son of Queen Elizabeth II and the late Prince Philip. William’s wife, Duchess Kate, will reign beside him when the time comes.
“He and Kate have successfully created a healthy balance of openness [in the public eye] while maintaining the sense of mystery that surrounds the royal family and keeps us engaged,” the insider adds.
Say what you will about Harry and Meghan Markle’s Oprah interview, but there is no denying that their messy exit has lit a fire under The Firm’s ass to appear more modern, relatable, and relevant. And what better way to do that than by letting Prince George have a public TikTok account? Nothing. But let’s be realistic. They did the 9th best thing and had William and Kate start a YouTube channel. According to People:
Kate Middleton and Prince William are giving royals fans a behind-the-scenes look at their royal life — bloopers and all.
The couple announced the launch of their new YouTube channel on Wednesday with a new video. In addition to a highlight reel of Kate, 39, and William, 38, taking on royal events — including a clip of Kate shooting a bow and arrow in Bhutan and William flying a helicopter — the video includes never-before-seen footage of the couple showing off their playful rapport.
In addition to the YouTube channel launch, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have also rebranded on Instagram, formally ditching the @KensingtonRoyal handle they sometimes shared with Meghan and Harry in favor of @DukeandDuchessofCambridge. #SussexNeverHeardofEm
Here’s a look at the scintillating content we can expect from The Duke & Duchess of Cool.
There! I saw it! He blinked three times fast. HE IS TRAPPED.
Pic: YouTube
