Throbbing pustule of flaming, fecal ooze sputtering from Satan’s sigmoid colon, 24-year-old professional YouTube famewhore Jake Paul, younger brother of equally douchebagging wad of excrement Logan Paul, took a few rare moments from his busy schedule of attempting to build a boxing career (his face is punchable enough for this to work) to take his signature asshole act to Puerto Rico and terrorize the innocent wildlife, because sometimes putting humans in danger just isn’t enough.
I shouldn’t be such a hater, because what else was he supposed to do, since the evil, villainous FBI swooped in and seized all his guns, putting a Gorilla-glued butt plug into what could have been a brilliant, DIY sniper career? (He wishes.)
The Paul brothers moved to Dorado, Puerto Rico this year and purchased a $10M beachfront mansion to reportedly take advantage of tax breaks for their businesses, breaks that aren’t even available to those who were born there. Locals, as can be expected, are not among their fans, especially after Jake endangered local turtles. via TMZ:
Jake Paul is under investigation … this time by officials in Puerto Rico for riding a motorized vehicle on a protected beach.
To use a bullfighting metaphor … Jake waived the proverbial red flag in front of a bull by posting a video of him and some friends tooling around a beach in golf carts, smack in the middle of turtle-nesting season. That’s illegal.
It looks like the driver is his brother, Logan, although we haven’t been able to confirm.
Jake deleted the vid, but it’s too late because the investigation has been launched by the country’s Dept. of Natural and Environmental Resources.
Here’s the video that started it all, as well as the full statement from DNER:
Here’s the statement about the ongoing investigation and why it is prohibited to use and drive a motorized vehicle on a beach in Puerto Rico pic.twitter.com/EEvjKc8kIq
— David Begnaud (@DavidBegnaud) May 14, 2021
Really, dude? Messing with gentle, unassuming turtles, especially when they’re trying to make more adorable turtles to take over the planet and run it properly since we humans are far too stupid to handle the job ourselves, and allow creeps like you to become rich and famous?
Who raised their wretched, loathsome asses, and why didn’t some breeding-disturbing golf carts appear to keep Jake and Logan from spawning when their parents were drunken-hate-slamming into each other both times? These are the real questions.
Pic: Instagram
