Are We Responsible for Our Reactions?

I read somewhere that everything we do is a choice. Whether you decide to be wicked or compassionate, it all begins with what you choose to do by yourself. I didn't think it was true until I explored how humans relate to their emotions. I started with a self-evaluation of deciding what to do when something occurs to me. Most times, I am capable of deciding what my reaction would be. People have been mean to me, and I repay them with kindness. People have also been wicked towards me, and I reciprocate.

But I also understand that sometimes our emotions cannot be contained. It makes me wonder: how much control do we really have over how we respond?

On the surface, it seems like we are always in control. Viktor E. Frankl once wrote, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” No matter what happens, we always have a moment to decide how to react. But if this is true, why do some emotions seem impossible to contain?

Sometimes, emotions arise too quickly for rational thought. Psychologists like Daniel Kahneman describe this as “System 1” thinking, a fast, automatic response driven by instinct. When anger flares or sadness takes over, the idea of choosing how to feel seems distant. In these moments, emotions decide for us. But once the initial wave passes, we return to that space Frankl spoke about: the place where we can choose what happens next.

Still, choosing kindness is not always easy, and it can come at a cost. Being kind to people who hurt you can feel unfair. But it makes the world a better place. There are moments when it feels easier to meet cruelty with cruelty. Yet, as a writer wrote, “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.” This suggests that kindness is a deliberate act, one that requires effort even when it feels undeserved. Marcus Rahsford, the England professional footballer, said, “Choosing to be kind to others is one of the most important things you can do in life.”

But do we always have a moral responsibility to choose kindness? Some philosophers, like Aristotle, believed in finding a balance between extremes. Sometimes, responding with firmness rather than kindness is necessary. If someone consistently harms you, is it wrong to walk away or defend yourself? Jean-Paul Sartre once said, “We are our choices,” and perhaps that means we must live with the weight of whatever we decide, whether it is kind or not.

Another question is whether we are fully responsible for our reactions when emotions spread from others. Research shows that feelings can be contagious. Being surrounded by negativity can make it harder to stay kind. I wonder if terrorists remain terrorists because that is what they are always exposed to, if kidnappers always hold the conviction to continue kidnapping because of the circle they maintain.

Sartre also said, “Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” While we may not control what happens to us, there is still a choice in how we respond. But that choice is not always easy. Some days, it is simple to choose kindness. On other days, emotions take over before the mind catches up. Maybe the truth lies somewhere in between—we are not always in control, but when we are, our choices define us.

In the end, choosing how to respond is both a power and a responsibility. Whether we choose kindness or not, every reaction is a reflection of who we are. And perhaps, that choice is what makes us human.

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