What your sexual fantasies REALLY mean and why a celeb crush is bad news for your relationship

HAVE you ever found yourself drifting off into a cheeky daydream, wondering if it will ever be a reality?

Our brains can serve up all sorts of saucy fantasies when the mood takes us.

In fact, they can add a whole lot of spice to our love lives.

According to the National Institute of Health, about 90–97% of the general population report having sexual fantasies.

Psychologist Emma Kenny believes that understanding them can help you navigate your bedroom desires in a healthier way.

“There’s nothing wrong with a little imaginative fun, it can even bring couples closer when shared safely and consensually,” she says.

“But if one fantasy is starting to wreak havoc on your real-world romance – especially something toxic like craving constant break-up dramas – it’s time to take a step back.

“Good communication, self-awareness, and respect for boundaries are the golden trio of a happy, healthy sex life.”

From harmless ‘what if' scenarios to secret urges that could cause friction, here Emma reveals eight fantasies, what they really mean, and the one that might put your relationship on shaky ground.

The Mysterious Stranger

The fantasy: You’re swept off your feet (and into bed) by a dashing stranger in a bar, or a captivating passer-by who shares nothing but a heated glance.

This fantasy often represents a craving for excitement, novelty, and the thrill of being undiscovered.

It’s all about spontaneity and self-discovery, reminding you that deep down, you still love a dose of mystery in the bedroom.

Impact on your relationship: Usually harmless, especially if you and your partner find ways to spice things up. Role-play can be a fun route here.

Slip into new personas and rediscover that stranger danger in a safe, playful context.

Power Play

The fantasy: One of you takes charge, calling all the shots, or you imagine yourself being ‘taken’ by a powerful figure.

It can go both ways, maybe you like to be boss or be bossed around.
This fantasy is about trust, control, and letting go.

For some, it’s the ultimate release from day-to-day responsibilities. For others, it’s a chance to bask in the glow of being in command.

Impact on your relationship: With clear boundaries and communication, this can be a healthy outlet.

It’s a great way to explore each other’s comfort zones and build deeper trust. Just don’t forget your safe word.

The Threesome

The fantasy: You, your partner, plus one (or more). Perhaps a dashing colleague, a gorgeous friend, or even a pair of strangers from a holiday fling.

This is a fantasy that loves to introduce a sense of variety. Curiosity and novelty are at play here.

For many, it’s the idea of new experiences without the emotional baggage. It can also be about wanting to feel desired by more than one person.

Impact on your relationship: In your head, it’s enticing. In reality, introducing a third person could lead to jealousy, insecurity, or major complications.

Not to say couples don’t happily explore it, but it demands thorough communication, trust, and rock-solid boundaries.

Risky Business

The fantasy: Making love in a forbidden or semi-public place, an office after hours, a deserted beach at sunset, or the back row of an empty cinema.

This is all about the adrenaline rush which might mirror a need for spontaneity, a desire to break free from daily routine, and a desire to push boundaries.

Impact on your relationship: As long as no laws (or bystanders) are harmed, a dash of risk can be thrilling.

But going from fantasy to reality can lead to real-world consequences – e.g potential public indecency charges. Maybe keep it fantasy, or tread carefully.

Celeb Crush

The fantasy: You’re up close and personal with a famous heartthrob or pop star. The bright lights, the stardom, the allure.

This often reflects a longing for escapism or the glamour we think celebrities embody. It can also be a safe way to explore attraction without any real-life threat to your relationship.

Impact on your relationship: Let’s face it, your partner probably has a celeb fantasy or two as well (they might be daydreaming about a certain actor or singer).

It’s harmless, unless you’re constantly comparing your partner to that A-lister.

Then it’s time to get real, your partner’s actual presence is far more valuable than any daydream.

Being Watched

The fantasy: You either imagine people watching you being intimate, or you’re the observer, witnessing a steamy moment.

This can be linked to a desire for validation, performance, or the thrill of being seen as irresistibly attractive.

If you’re the watcher, it might be about curiosity or learning what turns others on.

Impact on your relationship: Communication is key if you want to dip a toe in these waters.

Some couples enjoy filming themselves (for private eyes only) or indulging in mild exhibitionism.

As always, mutual consent and safety are non-negotiable.

The “Ex”; Factor

The fantasy: You’re imagining an old flame, maybe a passionate lover from your past or that “one who got away.”;

This can stem from nostalgia and the mind’s tendency to highlight the good bits while ignoring why you broke up in the first place.

It can be a sign you’re missing excitement or feeling stuck in a rut.

Impact on your relationship: A passing thought about an ex is normal.

But if it’s a recurring fantasy, you might want to check in on what your current relationship is lacking.

Talking honestly with your partner about how to rev up the spark could help avert bigger problems.

Craving a ‘Break-up to Make-up‘

The fantasy: You find yourself daydreaming of intense, passionate arguments that end in earth-shattering make-up sessions.

There’s drama, tears, and eventually, mind-blowing reconciliation.

If you’re romanticising conflict or craving the dramatic highs and lows, it might mean you’re unconsciously attracted to chaos or unresolved emotional wounds.

This could create a toxic pattern where you seek or incite arguments just to get that big emotional pay-off.

Over time, that kind of drama is incredibly draining and damaging to both you and your partner’s well-being.

How to handle it: A healthier approach is to spice things up without dragging your relationship through emotional mud.

Communication, seeking variety through new experiences, or trying role-play can satisfy that craving for intensity.

If you’re constantly seeking conflict, consider whether deeper relationship or personal issues need addressing, possibly with professional help.

What your sexual fantasies say about you

By Emma Kenny, a TV presenter and psychologist

Raucous Role Play: If your partner enjoys dressing up for fun, it shows creativity and a desire to keep things exciting. However, it might signal that he struggles with responsibility.

Multi-Partner Fantasies: Craving variety doesn't always mean he wants to cheat. However, it could indicate deeper feelings of unfulfillment.

Power & Control: A little dominance is normal, but if it's always about control, it may hide insecurities.

Adventure: Men seeking thrills may push boundaries, so be sure your comfort zone is respected.

Passion: If he’s romantic, he’s emotionally tuned in—though occasionally avoiding tough conversations.

Flexibility: Openness to new experiences is great, but constant novelty-seeking could mean avoiding emotional connection.

Red Flag: If control is his ultimate fantasy, it may signal a deeper struggle with power dynamics.