DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER my girlfriend’s best mate walked into our kitchen naked, we had a threesome with her.
But ever since, this woman has become a real sex pest.
I’ve been with my partner for two years. Things are great. Sex is great. Everything is great.
Well, it was until her friend forced her way into our .
My girlfriend is 25 and her mate is 27.
I’m a loyal boyfriend. I’m 28 and I work as a barber.
We had all been at a mutual friend’s party and, when it ended, we went back to our flat together. Her friend often stayed with us overnight.
We had all been drinking, so I had just put the kettle on for a cuppa when my girlfriend whispered, “Wait until you see the surprise I’ve got for you”;.
Two minutes later, her friend walked in dressed in nothing but her birthday suit. She kissed my girlfriend. I was shocked.
The women took me by the hands and led me through to our bedroom, where they went to work on me. I felt like I was dreaming — it was incredible.
Later that week, I got a text from her friend asking if we could meet privately.
I replied: “No way. The other night was a one-off.”;
Now she’s turning into a stalker. She’s sending me constant texts.
Last night, I left work and she was sitting in her car watching me. I drove off quickly.
I’m worried if my girlfriend hears about it, she’ll think I’m cheating. Help!
DEIDRE SAYS: Threesomes can sometimes be a recipe for disaster if the boundaries aren’t set from the start.
You didn’t have a chance to agree to anything when they sprung this on you.
My guess is the idea came from your girlfriend’s needy pal, who wanted to bolster her ego by seducing you.
But you’ve been clear that the night was a one-off and now you’re not going to cheat.
If she doesn’t get the message, show your girlfriend her texts and see what happens in the fallout.
If things don’t improve, get help via stalkinghelpline.org (0808 802 0300).
My support pack, How To Look After Your Relationship, offers guidance on staying strong with your partner.
WHY IS HE IN TOUCH WITH EX?
DEAR DEIDRE: IT turns out my husband might have a daughter with his ex-girlfriend.
We’ve been married for 15 years. We are both 39.
I caught him messaging a woman on .
When I confronted him, he confessed she was an ex and he might have fathered a child with her before we met.
She had cheated on him, he told me, then got and the guy went on to marry her.
He always wondered if the child might be his. I was shocked but believed him and said I would stand by him.
Why does my husband need to keep this woman on his social media?
I know he was looking to reconnect with her but why, when he has me?
DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband trying to find his ex is likely to be more about potentially being the child’s father.
If he wants to learn the truth there is so much to consider; the child’s relationship with the man who has brought her up, the child’s relationship with their mum and of course your relationship.
He would be very wise to talk through all of these considerations before making a decision.
My support pack How Counselling Can Help explains more.
WE WANT TO BE DOMINATED IN THE BEDROOM
DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH my boyfriend and I both want a more dominant sex partner, neither of us feels equipped to do it. We are both submissive types.
He’s 27 and I love him to bits. I’m 25 and we’ve been together for three years.
We met when he came into my workplace to fix the coffee machine.
I had the job of showing him where everything was kept and, before he left, he gave me his number saying, “If you need anything else, just call”; and gave me a cheeky wink.
He was gorgeous so I called him and asked him if he fancied a drink. He did and from then on we started .
Sex is OK but very vanilla. He’s only had one long-term relationship before.
I’m now at the stage where I don’t want quickie sex that’s over in five minutes. I want him to tell me what to do.
I want him to pick me up and put me into different positions.
I talked to him and he said he wanted the same thing but he didn’t feel confident enough to do anything more than the missionary position. Deep down though, I’m shy. We’re stuck in a stalemate.
DEIDRE SAYS: Getting into a good sex life is a journey you should both enjoy.
You have a partner you can trust, so the two of you can start to talk to each other about what you want from sex.
Take small steps together and build up. That connection is what will make you special as a couple.
Suggest to your boyfriend that you take it in turns to take the lead. That will feel empowering and will certainly help to spice things up.
As things move on, perhaps get a jar to hold notes where you suggest things that you want to experiment with and take it in turns to choose one.
My support pack called Sex Games And Sense will help you to keep your connection safe.
