DEAR DEIDRE: OUR family’s location app revealed my wife is almost certainly having an affair.
However, she totally denies cheating. I feel so confused and unsure what to do.
We’re in our mid-40s and have been married for 20 years, with two kids. We haven’t been getting on well for several months.
We’ve been arguing a lot, and sex has been infrequent.
She often says she’s not in the mood — which hurts a lot. I feel neglected.
About a year ago, she joined a walking club and made new friends through it.
There’s one couple, who she spends a lot of time with. She’s also started going to a local gym, and the husband goes there too.
It feels like she’s always exercising, and never at home with me and the kids.
Our whole family uses the Life360 app, so we know where everyone is.
Recently my wife started and one day, while she was on a ride with this male friend, I decided to check her movements.
She wasn’t moving at all. In fact for the 40 minutes while I was looking she was in the same secluded location.
When I asked her about it later, she said the location had changed at the last minute. She was annoyed I’d tracked her.
But I felt so suspicious that when I got the chance, I checked her messages.
There were lots between her and this man. Nothing sexual, but they were clearly close. A few days later, I checked again, and they’d all been deleted.
She denies any wrongdoing, but I just can’t see an innocent explanation.
Part of me feels I should leave her — but I don’t want to break up my family.
DEIDRE SAYS:Your wife might not have physically cheated, but it appears that she’s had an emotional affair, and that can be just as painful.
It also destroys trust, which is vital in a . It sounds like you don’t want to leave your wife and family, but aren’t sure how you can move forward.
Talk to your wife again. Ask her to be honest about her actions, and see if she wants to work on bridging the gulf between you.
Read my support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It?
Relationship counselling could really help you. Contact tavistockrelationships.org to set up an appointment.
DESPERATE TO WIN BACK GIRLFRIEND
DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex-girlfriend dumped me, and it was totally my fault.
I now regret not making enough effort in our relationship and want her back, but she’s not interested.
I’m 26 and she’s 24. We were together a year. When she said she wanted to get serious, I said I wasn’t ready, and mucked her around.
By the time I decided I really liked her after all, she’d changed her mind about me and it was too late.
She broke up with me and deleted me from her contacts. We haven’t spoken since. I miss her so much and desperately want to meet up so I can tell her how I feel.
I even rang her parents to get a message to her, and tried to track her down at her workplace.
That just made her angry. What can I do to show her I made a huge mistake and that I want to try again?
DEIDRE SAYS: Unfortunately, you can’t make someone change their mind.
You’ve made it clear you want her back. Now the ball is in her court.
If she doesn’t feel the same, I’m afraid you’ll have to accept it. Try and see it as a lesson for the future.
My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help you to get over her.
STRESSEDOUT OVER BIG DEBT
DEAR DEIDRE:I AM too scared to open the front door in case it’s debt collectors, because I took out a loan I can’t pay back.
My finances have been stretched, and I can’t meet the monthly payments. It’s making me ill with stress.
I’m a 54-year-old single woman and I’ve been having problems.
This loan was advertised online and seemed like the answer to my prayers. But it had a very high interest rate and I’ve now realised I can’t keep making the monthly payments.
I lie in bed at night, unable to sleep and I feel too sick to eat.
Sometimes, I even think it would be better if I weren’t here.
Please help me.
DEIDRE SAYS: No amount of money is worth ending your life over.
Help is available, and I’m so pleased you’ve asked for it before things get worse.
Make an appointment with your GP and tell them you’re finding it hard to cope.
See my support packs, Solving Debt Problems and Family Finances, and contact the charity stepchange.org which can help you deal with the loan company and find a solution.
And if you ever feel suicidal, don’t hesitate to contact samaritans.org(116 123).
